Smile: The last day of 2008.

What would I do today? A revelation?

It's like, the last 24 hours of two-oh-oh-eight? In a nick of an eye, the form 4 year flashed through like a speeding train. I went into sleep for the past days reminiscing about all the stuff I did and the things I did not, should have and weren't supposed to.

There are tons of mistakes and pain I've caused but I just couldn't voice it out to you. Not because I'm being reticent, on the other hand it is all due to my lack of courage and words to properly convey my thoughts. Ultimately, I let slip of what should have been and could have been a precious moments together.

Although there are many matters I wish I can share with you but it's no longer of importance anymore. You still take my breath away. I will remember that.

I wished I study more. I wished I wasn't lazy like I have been this year. I don't want to let my parents down and being upset of myself for being stupid all these while. I'm no Einstein but I always believe that being keen on something would eventually pay off, well eventually. "Study hard, play harder!"

I'm also going to steer clear of people who regard the others as just another dumb-shitted puppet. Made use of, and thrown when it's worn. I can't stress enough on this because I really am such a griefer on this subject. They deserve to be used themselves and rot in hell. So from here and now, I would like to say be friends or be it not, it's up to you. I don't freaking give a damn on trying so hard to maintain this kind of friendships anymore. It's not even fair imo.

When I was little, I am just another shy typical bespectacled boy who don't talk much and seldom mingle around. The question is whyyyy? Simple. 'Cuz I don't like to talk. I think it's a total waste of saliva and time. This would eventually took me to secondary school where magically, I find joy in speaking my mind leading to my straightforwardness.

I regretted the life I spent during 3 years of my junior high. It's almost colourless and I felt like and inanimate zombie where all I could think is what would my lunch be today? I could have make a lot of friends and understand what I should had earlier and not in the later years which would condemned me to lead a relationship I wasn't even sure of. For what reason? Is it just to keep things to myself and only myself? Or because I couldn't put my feelings into words. The comments which echo my own sentiments were thrust onto me yet I couldn't do anything.

There are times where certain disorder got the better of me. This is not unknown to some degree of my friends who I have been in contact with since the starting of secondary school. I developed an unnecessary obsessive-compulsive disorder in which I crave for total cleanliness. Squeaky clean. Dirt-free. Bacteria-free. Whatever free that conjures in your mind. It all started in Standard Six. I began washing my hand more than frequently resulting in fear of touching the others even a bit. Or people brushing into me, I would run to the nearest tap and wash it off. Kinda silly isn't it? This doesn't get worse. As a year past, it got a lot more annoying. I fear touching my school bag and anything that comes back from the school. I've no idea it could get this far. This problem caused me to forgo my homework and assignment as I felt tainted if I land a finger on my text books. And before long, people began calling me a racist because I tend to avoid people in school especially of the other races. I would shower at least five times a day and stay lifeless once I'm back from the school. I think this has caused me to deteriorate both in my studies and a severe disruption on my daily-social life. I managed to curb it if not a total cure after gaining some maturity and guts. I felt a whole lot finer and sunny now. *smiles*

Equally important is how I met you. I wouldn't have known you'll be the love of my life. With every twisted chapters of feelings written but despite all that is penned down, I still couldn't find a page where we would stand together, hand in hand, heart to heart. Would we ever be on the same paper again? I heart you. I really heart you.

Thanks for hearing me out... I don't want to bring this into two-zero-zero-nine myself. It will be cumbersome.

Although I might have digressed a little but all are equivalent in significance, friends : )